Monster Girl Quest: Lose and Get Lost!
by OmegaPepega
Summary: A soon-to-be collection of short rewrites and original content. May contain monster girls.
1. Soapy, Destroyer of Worlds

"Hypothetically speaking, Alice, if you were forced to eat one of the Four Heavenly Knights, who would it be?"

Luka's question carried nicely in the sweet sea breeze. The fake hero and Monster Lord were taking a relaxing stroll through Sentora Beach. With the recent revelation of the Orbs and their purpose, Luka sought the sphere that resided with the Queen of the Southern Seas.

This didn't stop them from bantering along the way, though. Alice paused in her tracks before responding with, "Since you forced me to only choose one, I would eat... Tamamo."

Shooting a surprised glance at his traveling companion, Luka raised an eyebrow. "There are several things wrong with what you just said, but I'm going to start with whatever comes to mind first."

The wannabe hero took a few steps forward before rotating to face Alice. "Why Tamamo? She's the smallest of the four."

"Did you have someone else in mind?" The Monster Lord folded her arms in brooding annoyance.

"W-well, I was thinking Alma. Because she's... You know." Luka outlined a curvy figure in the air with his fingers.

Alice's flicker of annoyance gave way to condescension. "You're thinking too shallowly. I chose Tamamo for a multitude of reasons." She began to slither again, her scaly lower half leaving a side-winding trail through the white sand. Luka followed closely by her side.

"First, lets take into account the phrase 'you are what you eat.' If we assume that it's the _tiniest _bit true, that would mean Tamamo is at least ninety percent tofu." An odd glint manifested in her eyes as she grinned. "We also have to consider how long she's lived, and the fact that she mostly eats her own hand-cooked meals." Drool started to leak from the corners of her mouth. "All of this combined makes her an agglomerated mass of pure deliciousness. I'm willing to bet that even her _tails _are as scrumptious as the edges of thin-fired tofu!"

Her open display of excitement was beginning to worry Luka. "It, uh, sounds like you put a lot of thought into this scenario."

"As a ruler, I have to prepare for all situations." Alice swallowed her drool and unfolded her arms to raise a single finger. "My turn to ask a hypothetical question. What would you do if a married mermaid offered you a blowjob in her own household?"

A fit of coughing overtook Luka, and he stopped walking in order to double over and wheeze. "Oi oi oi, are we still on that? Come on, it was a non-consensual blowjob!"

"Uh-huh. You would like it non-consensual, wouldn't you? Dirty little masochistic _slut_," Alice hissed, shooting a sideways glare at Luka. "See!? You're even blushing!"

"That's because I'm embarrassed! And how can it be rape if I secretly wanted it the entire time!?"

"HA! So you admit it! What, was I not good enough!?"

"First of all, no, you're taking things out of context! Second, you leave me a sobbing mess every time you do me! Maybe I just wanted something less berating and hurtful! Is that really so bad!?" Luka's shout rang throughout the empty expanse of sand. The following silence was painful, chirping gulls and foaming ocean waves only making it worse.

At last, Alice's expression of shock subsided into stoicism. Her proud frame sagged as she let out a held breath. "Luka... Is that really how you feel?"

The hero himself was just as surprised. "No, I don't... A-Alice, I'm sor—"

"Don't apologize. You're right, I was kind of a dick." She straightened and made a point to avoid eye contact, but her voice was genuine. "I... I'm sorry for calling you a masochistic slut."

"I'm sorry too," Luka mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck with a gloved hand. "I won't do it again."

"What did I just say?"

"Ah, no! I'm sorry for apologizing!"

"I'm just kidding, you idiot." Despite Alice's attempts at keeping a level voice, a tiny bit of fondness crept into her tone. "Anyways, lets keep going. We shouldn't be too far off now."

Luka let out a long breath before nodding in silent agreement and taking the lead. Once his initial panic faded, he couldn't help but feel giddy about this turn of events. Being treated as an equal by Alice was a rarity, and it elicited warm, fuzzy feelings from deep within his chest.

_Luka has a girlfriend! Luka has a girlfriend! _A high-pitched, cheery voice resonated from inside Luka's mind.

_Oh come on! Alice isn't my girlfriend. She's just... W-well, she's something. Not a girlfriend though!_ the hero mentally responded. He could already see the faint image of Sylph dancing before his eyes.

_What, would you have preferred beta male boy toy? You just got done saying you weren't a masochist. _This time, a deep and rough but distinctly feminine voice spoke up. The fiery form of Salamander briefly appeared before chasing Sylph away.

_Luka'__s__ a beta male boy toy! Luka'__s__ a beta male boy toy! _Out of view but still heard, the wind spirit continued her song and dance in the recess of Luka's mind. However, she was abruptly silenced by a loud slap.

Yet another voice joined the others. It was soft spoken and melodious, akin to the quiet murmurs of a sleepy creek. _Thank you, Gnome. And as for you..._

_Ow ow ow, let go of my ear you stupid slime! O-oi, watch the chairs! _The sounds of furniture being knocked over clamored within Luka's head, slightly concerning him.

Before he could further ponder what the spirits were doing to his psyche, Alice spoke. "Hey, we're here."

"Huh? Oh, so we are." Luka scanned the familiar surroundings. The nearby rocky outcrop along with the palm trees aroused a light feeling of reminiscence, but the emotion was quickly dispelled with a shake of his head.

"Too early for nostalgia. Anyways, do I just raise the Ball of Guidance like last time or..?" His voice trailed off as he realized Alice was nowhere to be found.

Whipping his head from side to side, Luka couldn't so much as see a sliver of his companion's tail. Apprehension formed an uncomfortable knot in his stomach, and Luka braced himself as he drew Angel Halo out of its shredded sheath.

_Hey, do you think she fell down a rabbit hole? _Sylph asked, her presence becoming more prominent as the hero's eyes darted up and down the length of Sentora Beach.

_Real original. How long have you been thinking that one up? _Salamander's exasperated voice joined Luka's thoughts.

_Sylph doesn't think! I live in the moment, like a true courtesan!_

_I can't tell if she knows what that means or not and it's concerning me greatly. Oh, Gnome, it's your turn. Play your cards, _Undine murmured.

"Wait, you guys have cards now?" Luka's guard slipped, and the sand behind him exploded.

Two dusky red claws seized him by the waist before pinching down in a crushing grasp. Loud cackling sounded as a crab girl erupted from the ground.

_Oi, she's behind ya, _Salamander warned.

"I KNOW!" Luka frantically shouted.

_Then do something!_

"I AM!" Reaching within, he tapped into the overwhelming power of earth. A low rumble shook the ground around him, and with a mighty shout, he pried open the pincers.

"W-what!? You have super strength now!? How is that FUCK—" The crab girl was cut off as an elbow struck her face, followed by a kick with the weight of a large boulder to her human abdomen. Two booming cracks, and she was sent skidding back, tearing up rents in the sand as her many legs struggled for grip.

While Gnome didn't speak, her reassuring power and presence were made known. The four spirits all readied themselves as Luka widened his stance.

Meanwhile, the crab had stabilized, and was cracking all of her knuckles simultaneously. It sounded like someone just fell onto a hard surface from very high up. "Neat little trick there, _boy_, but it's gonna take a lot more than mere strength to defeat me!"

"That voice is kind of familiar... Hey, have we met before?" Luka's tone was calm, but he remained on his toes.

"WHAT!? You don't remember me!?" Pure rage marred the crab's countenance as she jammed a thumb towards herself. "I am the terror that crawls in the sand! I am the unyielding fighting spirit that will crush all who oppose her! I am Soapy, destroyer of worlds, devourer of gods, and wrecker of your shit!"

It took a moment, but recognition flashed through Luka's eyes. "Oh yeah! You're that crab girl I sealed when I first came here." It took another moment, but he eventually remembered. "Hey, didn't I explicitly tell you to stop doing bad things? Attacking me out of the blue like that is pretty b—"

"Fuck that noise!" Soapy yelled as she scuttled sideways at frightening speeds. With one claw raised, she closed the distance, kicking up huge sand clouds while doing so.

Her carapace-coated limb was swiftly knocked aside by Angel Halo, but she recovered quicker than Luka anticipated. Both of her claws lunged forward and seized the grotesque blade in a fearsome tug of war.

_Wow! She's_ _pretty_ _strong! Do you think she was shot by an arrow that draws out latent power?_ Sylph speculated.

Salamander was quick to respond. _Nah, nothing like that. This is clearly the result of spit, grit, and a whole lotta training. I'm impressed, really. She's quite the tenacious bundle of fury. _The fire spirit paused before saying, _Darn. Now I'm feeling nostalgic._

_Mind the hands, Luka, _Undine interrupted. True to her warning, the extra hands sprouting from Soapy's shell seized Luka's pant legs during the grapple.

"Ha! Surely you haven't forgotten about my special ability: Bubble Shake Hell!" The crab girl's primary human hands were already covered in the white foam that leaked from her lower mouth. Secondary hands tightening their grip, she violently yanked downwards.

The hero let out a sinister chuckle when his pants didn't budge. "Unfortunately for you, my days of constantly being sexually assaulted during battle has taught me one valuable lesson." A confident smirk crossed his face. "Always tighten the belt."

Soapy's face grew pale with pallid shock. "I-impossible! I never considered the possibility of such a bold move!"

Luka reached deep within once more. "Sylph! Bring forth a gale itself into my body!" A blast of howling wind scattered the sand around him, leaving both crab and hero in a small crater. Now infused with air and earth, Luka wrenched his monstrous sword from Soapy's claws.

Then, he blurred as he spun himself like a top with the assistance of Sylph. In a whirlwind of cape and sword, he stuck Angel Halo out and slammed its side into Soapy's carapace. The resulting displaced air deepened the crater with a tremendous bang, kicking up more sand.

_Did you just spin slash her? _Undine asked incredulously.

_Yeah, I always wanted to do that! _Luka gleefully responded.

_Please don't do it again,_ Salamander begged.

_My body, my rules! _Luka spun around once more before sticking out his sword, but Soapy saw it coming. She speedily sidestepped the gaudy attack. _DAMN IT!_

The two combatants were locked in a desperate dance of who could strike first. Claws snapped shut and lunged forward, while Angel Halo glinted with a deadly red light.

"FULL-BODY CLAW BARRAGE!"

"DEATH SWORD CHAOS STAR!"

_Why are you two calling out your moves!? _The fire spirit's mental voice was drowned out by the colliding attack rushes. Ground shaking with the force of each impact, Luka and Soapy's limbs were just smears as they pushed themselves to overwhelm the other.

The hero had one advantage over Soapy. He wasn't using his own limbs to strike, and while Angel Halo was a blunt and impractical weapon, its life draining capabilities more than made up for the design flaws. The crab girl slowed with each claw-to-sword collision, and at last, she couldn't take it anymore.

Soapy broke free from the flurry of blows and bounded meters back, her breathing heavy and ragged. "No..! NononoNO! It isn't supposed to be like this! This is _my _revenge story! I can't lose here!" Grabbing her twin hair tails and tugging on them, Soapy let out a screech of frustration.

Luka brandished his blade and stuck his hips out in a pose that oozed over-the-top confidence. A breeze of his own making caused his cape to flutter in the warm beach air, outlining his small frame against the blue sky. "Now you know the clear difference in our power, Soapy. You cannot hope to best me!" He raised a finger and pointed down at the scowling crab girl. "But, if you promise to not jump any more people, I'll let you go peacefully."

For a moment, Soapy looked contemplative. However, it wasn't long before she broke out into a sneer. "_Ooooh_, right! I'll just forget everything you've ever done to me! And then, I'll dress up as a maid, join you on your adventure, and together, we'll frolic in the fields of friendship and happiness!"

The hero blinked, still maintaining his posture while his lips curled into a small frown. "Oddly specific, but was that a 'yes' or a 'no?'"

_I think it's up for interpretation. _Like a wind chime, Sylph's voice bounced around the walls of Luka's conscious.

_Guys, not now. I'm trying to focus here._

_Oh, I know how I can help! I'll sing my focusing song! It starts with 'Chi' and ends with 'Pa Pa!' Here I g—_

_DODGE! _Salamander's warning arrived late as a sparking red beam slammed into Luka's face. An electrifying current ran through his body, which snapped upright as the paralysis settled in.

Soapy let loose a bark of maniacal laughter as she strutted over to the twitching hero. "Ah, no one expects a little ol' crab girl to start shooting laser beams. And judging by your stupid expression, you were no exception." The crustacean was now in front of Luka, and with a gentle shove, he fell over like a stone statue.

_You know, yelling 'dodge' is more distracting than it is helpful, _Undine muttered, her voice poisoned with irritation.

_Oh for the love of__— Get off my back woman! At least I tried something! _Salamander protested.

_Can you all be quiet for two seconds!? E-except for you, Gnome. Sorry for yelling. _A wave of gratitude permeated the hero's mind, but Soapy's groping hands dragged him back to reality.

"Damn, this feels great! At long last, my burning desire for vengeance is about to be satiated by washing you out of existence," the crab girl gloated as her primary human hands ran up and down Luka's chest. "Tell me, how does it feel to be utterly dominated by a stronger, more strapping woman?"

"Nothing new," Luka grumbled. His indifferent facade was quickly shattered when Soapy pinched a particularly sensitive part of his chest, eliciting a sharp gasp.

"Let's see how much that smarm helps you after I'm done with your sorry shota ass," the crab taunted, a sneer splitting her face.

_I don't mean to rush you, but that's what I'm going to do now. If you have any last ditch plans, please use them. _Undine's tone remained calm and enunciated, though a tad stressed.

_Y-yeah, just one. _Luka let out an exaggerated moan as Soapy began to undo his belt, her dexterous fingers still stimulating his torso. "O-oh God, please stop, I think I'm about to... SALAMANDER!"

_Wait, what are—_

"—you doing?" Salamander blinked. The fire spirit was now in physical form, hovering between Luka and a confused Soapy. Sharing an awkward moment of silence, fire spirit and crab blankly stared at each other.

_KILL 'ER MANDY!_ Sylph shouted enthusiastically from the mindscape.

"Who's this, your pet crotch warmer?" was Soapy's last words before a flaming fist crashed under her chin. With a rage filled shout, Salamander lifted the crab girl's body off the ground before unleashing an armada of punches.

"ATATATATATATATATATA— _ATA!_" Her flurry of blows only lasted a couple of seconds, but it was enough to send Soapy flying back. Singed and bruised, the crustacean left the premises of the crater before tumbling to a halt in the sand.

Salamander turned to face the recovering Luka, disbelief and pride upon her face. "Alright, I will admit, you have balls to assume things would turn out the way they did. But I'm not some manifestation of your personality that you can use to face hardship." She pointed a flaming finger down at Luka. "Pull me out like that again, and _you'll _be on the receiving end of my fists. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," the hero weakly mumbled as he shakily got up. His arms and legs occasionally twitched, but otherwise, he was fine.

After fixing his belt, securing Angel Halo, and brushing the sand off of himself, Luka hopped out of the crater. The fire spirit vanished as he passed her, and the intense yet unfamiliar power of heat returned to him.

Soapy laid prone not too far off from where Luka emerged, slamming all of her fists against the ground in sync. "How is this fair!? First super strength, then super speed, and now pocket monsters!?" Stopping to sniffle, she got back onto unsteady feet. "I would be crying right now if it wasn't for my UNYIELDING RAGE!"

This time, Luka got to see Soapy's claws glow with red energy before shooting out twin laser beams. And unlike last time, he closed his eyes, dispelled wind and earth, and slipped into the flow of the world. All was at peace, and like water flowing around an obstacle, he gracefully dodged the attack.

_About time you used my power. Contrary to the shallow barbarism that Salamander loves so much, the serene state actually gets things done. _Undine's quiet murmurs took on a superior edge.

_Throwing a lot of shade for someone who didn't even teach him the damn thing_, the fire spirit growled.

_Ouch! I don't think being a slime could save you from that burn!_ Sylph's giggles were quickly replaced by the sounds of gargles and gasps for air.

Back in physical world, Luka was elegantly dodging the onslaught of crab beams. And with each evasion, he steadily approached closer and closer to the infuriated Soapy.

"I have no idea how you're doing this, but it's bullshit! Stop dancing like a ballerina and let me wash you!" The crab girl ceased her assault. "W-wait a second, dodging every attack like it was predicted years ago... Could it be!? The legendary Intuition Overdrive!?"

Without having to evade countless lasers, Luka was able to close the distance. He slashed once with Angel Halo, and like a hot knife through butter, it cleaved through Soapy's carapace. She let out a cry of surprise as a heavy weakness spread throughout her body.

"Shit! Damn son of a bitch! Get your freaky dildo away from me!" Mustering the last of her strength, Soapy punched downwards with an open claw. But yet again, Luka's smooth and fluid movement proved too much, flowing to the side as the appendage missed its mark. Angel Halo sang through the air as its bladed tip pierced the crab's underbelly in retaliation.

Soapy's scream died before it could escape her lips, the hideous blade traveling upwards and splitting her in two. "Haauuu... I-I ain't feeling too hot," the crab girl dizzily mumbled, separated halves of her face speaking in unison. Eyes glazing over, she dissolved into gray dust. And when she was completely gone, the ashes evaporated, leaving a single, small crab on the white sand.

Luka sheathed Angel Halo as he exited the serene state. He crouched down and pointed at Soapy's sealed body. "Right, now think about what you've done. Ambushing random strangers is rude and you shouldn't do it!"

Soapy gave the lecture a second of thought before leaping up and pinching Luka's finger. She clung on as the hero yelped and flailed his arm around. After a terrific struggle, Soapy flew off his hand and into the ocean, disappearing beneath the light blue water with a _plop._

"This was by far the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my young impressionable life." Alice's dry voice sounded out of nowhere from right behind Luka.

To his credit, the hero only jumped a little. "H-hey! It wasn't _that _bad. I mean, pulling Salamander out was pretty clever, right?"

"Barely legal, you mean. Besides, you aren't the kind of person to let a monster do your job for you."

Turning around to make eye contact with Alice, Luka flatly said, "I mean, it was either that or rape."

"Hmm." The Monster Lord's piercing gaze grew hard as she mentally bored into Luka. "Hora, the spirits are up to something."

"Eh? Oh, yeah, they have been oddly quiet." Before he could get another word out, four streaks of elemental power burst from his chest and materialized on the sand before him. As their physical forms manifested, their words became clear.

"Stupid, boomerang fetishizing, simple-minded, cold-hearted!"

"Asinine, belligerent, abrasive, fight mongering!"

Salamander and Undine were spouting insults at each other, and it only grew worse as the water spirit refused to face her fiery counterpart. Not too far off, Sylph was hiding behind Gnome's head, and the earth spirit averted her eyes to the ground.

"I can't believe this! I work my ass off to provide for our group, yet you still refuse to acknowledge anything I do!"

"Well, maybe if you put the tiniest hint of thought behind your actions, I might consider the notion!"

"You stuck-up _bitch! _I swear, I'm gonna..! I'm gonna..!" Salamander let out a guttural scream, her flames flaring in size and heat.

At last, Sylph peeked from behind Gnome's head. "H-hey, guys?"

"What!?" Undine and Salamander snapped in unison, pointing their glares at the shivering fairy.

"Y-you're making Gnome cry," Sylph sniffled.

It was subtle. Only the slight shaking of her shoulders and the faint glints of sparkling tears gave away her distress. Feeling the attention shift to her, Gnome hid her face behind her collar.

Both of the arguing spirits quieted immediately, their anger dissolving into dismay and regret. "Oh no... Gnome, it's... We're not mad at you," Salamander stammered, her flames dying down into mere flickers.

A hard shiver ran through the earth sprite, and her quiet sobbing surged in intensity. Alarm flickered through the other spirits as their hearts plummeted. Fire, water, and wind all rushed over to squeeze Gnome in a comforting embrace.

Just as Luka built up the resolve to join in, a hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Let them," Alice whispered. "They need this right now."

Meanwhile, the elementals were nuzzling Gnome while softly muttering apologies and words of encouragement.

"We've been through so much together. I was a fool to allow petty grudges get in the way of our long forged bond," Undine sighed, hugging the earth spirit with her adhesive body.

"Yeah. Heinrich wouldn't have wanted us hurting each other anyways." Salamander buried her face in the nook of Gnome's neck. The fire spirit's flames didn't scorch, only pleasantly warmed. "We're sorry."

"I love you, Gnomey!" Sylph cried out from between sobs as she clung to the back of Gnome's head.

Dizzy and overwhelmed from all the support, the earth spirit raised her head to return the affectionate cuddles, even if slightly shaky. At last, a happy smile crossed her tear-stained face, and she opened her mouth.

Gnome managed an intake of breath before she and the other spirits dissolved into their respective elemental powers. The four streams of energy flew off the ground and into Luka's chest. Staggering, the hero inhaled deeply as power returned to him.

"They've been through a lot, huh?" Luka distantly said, slowly straightening himself to stare at the vast, endless ocean.

"Well, this isn't their first journey around the world with some idiot hero," Alice responded, slithering up to the shoreline.

"Hey! Don't disrespect Hein like that!" Luka broke free from his trance and ran over to stand besides the Monster Lord. "A-also, don't disrespect me like that."

An amused expression intermingled with a hint of affection crossed Alice's face as she observed Luka fumble through his pack for the Ball of Guidance. After a bit, he found the sphere and raised it above his head. A bright glow overtook the pair.

...

The sky was gray with oppressive clouds, and the air was ripe with holy energy. All around the world, monsters and humans were desperately fighting for their right to live. But this meant nothing to the lone crab girl training on the beach.

"Stupid little punk-ass hero thinks he can get away with humiliating me twice!?" Soapy yelled, her claws pounding a boulder into oblivion. "I'll show him! I'll give him _so_ many handjobs! Handjobs for days!" With the boulder in front of her now a pile of sand, she turned her attention to a nearby palm tree. She seized it with her pincers before tearing it out of the ground. The crab girl roared as she suplexed the unfortunate plant, snapping it in two with a tremendous crack.

Despite her rampage, Soapy didn't feel tired at all. Rather, she was only getting more and more hyped. "And then, when I'm done giving him handjobs, I'll..! I'll..!" She paused. "I dunno, have his babies or something. God damn, he's adorable!"

Suddenly, a suffocating pressure assaulted Soapy's being, causing her to stiffen. Descending meters behind her, a presence made itself known. "'Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold her guiltless that taketh her name in vain.'" A smooth, silky voice dripping in superiority rang throughout the devastated beach.

The crab girl shifted to face the newly formed pillar of light. From its glorious incandescence out hovered a single angel soldier, with short green hair, prominent ahoge, and simple white robes. The beam faded into nothing behind her, and the servant of Ilias flourished her bow.

"Really? You're gonna attack me for saying 'God damn?'" Soapy's voice was dry, her eyes squinting in disbelief. "Seriously, Ilias must be sensitive as a virgin if she lets _that_ get between her divine bosom."

Returning the glare, the angel drew an arrow and loaded it. "Not quite. My squad just happened to notice a lot of noise coming from here, so they sent me to investigate." The arrow glowed with a soft radiance as holy energy poured into it.

"Well, tell your choir that I'm busy training for a much more important fight than whatever you're attempting now. So shoo, shoo!" Soapy promptly turned back around and began to move away, completely ignoring the holy being.

This didn't sit well with the angel. Snarl on her face, she released the tensed arrow. It barely left the bow before bursting into numerous pointed streaks of holy energy, and like a swarm of insects, they darted through the air before impacting Soapy's backside. A brilliant white explosion, and the crab girl disappeared behind a curtain of black smoke.

The angel's confident smirk regressed into an expression of surprise as two, red pinpricks of light gleamed through the haze.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember stuttering," Soapy growled, her claws glowing as crimson particles amassed at their openings. After a moment, twin shafts of paralyzing energy shot through the smoke and towards the celestial.

"You must be dumber than the ground you walk on if you think _that _will hit me," the servant of Ilias bragged moments before the lasers impacted her chest. In a red sparking blast she fell to the ground, rigid, stiff, and twitching.

"Ooo, that was too perfect!" With a wave of Soapy's hand, the smoke was swept aside. Thin scarlet trails leaked from her claws and eyes before dissipating as she made her way to her adversary. Once upon the angel, the crab girl's pincers lowered before gripping her arms and bringing her to eye level.

"No..! NononoNO! This is all wrong! You should be a smoldering pile of blood and guts, and I should be able to move! How!?" The messenger of God struggled to break free, but all she managed to do was spasm tantalizingly, her subtle curves straining against her white robes.

"Spit, grit, and a whole lotta training." Soapy's features grew smug as she drank in the sight of her squirming prey. "I threw myself off the tallest cliff I could find until it stopped hurting."

"That's stupid! This is stupid! _You're_ stupid!" The angel's voice cut off with a squeak as Soapy's human arms grabbed her ankles. "W-what are you doing?"

"Letting you go with a handshake, a pat on the back, and a coin for your troubles." Soapy began to gradually spread her victim's legs.

"R-really?"

"And now who's the stupid one?" Her lower mouth cracked open, revealing foaming suds and releasing a bunch of bubbles. "Wash, wash, wash the angel clean~! Because she attacked me first, and that was kind of mean~!"

The celestial tried to scream, but as she was brought closer to Soapy's bubbling opening, the other arms sprouting from the crab girl's shell clamped over her mouth.

"Shhh! Don't struggle," Soapy whispered, her free hands cupping the quivering angel's face. "Just lay back, relax, and think of... Heaven." She snickered. "Heh. Nailed it."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Just gonna store all of my future short stories as chapters for the sake of convenience.


	2. Versus Gnome

Luka rounded the pillar. He caught a glimpse of the mud doll before it dived underneath the sand. Disappointment welled up within him, and he propped an arm against the stone column while breathing hard.

"D-damn! She's leading me in circles..." Luka heaved a sigh before sliding his rear to the ground with his back to the pillar. He dazedly eyed the pink-orange streaks painted by the low-hanging sun. The sunsets here were noticeably prettier than that of Ilias Village. A nice little thing on top of a mound of inconvenience.

_Hey, hey! Don't give up yet. There's still blood in ya, _Sylph said, not impolitely.

Indignation colored his cheeks red. "I wasn't… _Gah!_" The Hero wrestled himself into a standing position and rubbed his eyes. Afterwards, he took four steps forward and glared at the unending dunes. It then struck him for the thirteenth time that he had no idea how to find Gnome. An overwhelming sense of hopelessness threatened to escape him in the form of a scream.

The scream came out as a tittering squeak when Luka felt a slight tremor rising from the earth. At first, he drew Angel Halo and widened his stance while whipping his head side to side. But the tremors were too light, and the odd aura of serenity that permeated the area…

Luka spun around to face the pillar. "Gnome?" he asked.

As if summoned, Gnome's head popped out of the ground where he had been sitting. Wide, impassive green eyes stared questioningly at him. For some reason, he felt embarrassed. "Uhm," the Hero started, "Hello—"

"Gnomey!" Sylph shouted. She left Luka's being in a swift breeze, forming herself a little ways above the earth spirit. "Y-your body! Who took it!? I'll eat their guts like noodles!" The fairy grabbed a handful of her own hair and began chomping on it, murder in her eyes.

Gnome stepped out of the ground with the casualness of someone exiting the bath. Luka took a step back.

"Oh, you're fine. Thank the Six..." Slyph sighed in relief, her hair spilling from her lips. Then, she pointed. "Hey, I think your boobs got bigger!"

Gnome swatted her, sending Sylph crashing into the ground. She laid there like a squashed insect. Without skipping a beat, Gnome started burying her.

Alarm spurred him into action. "Oi, I need that!" Luka stepped forward, gloved hand outstretched.

The Hero froze when Gnome snapped her unblinking stare at him, as if realizing he was there for the first time. Then, she dug up Sylph and tottered over. She presented the twitching body with cupped palms.

Sylph appeared fine, if unconscious. "Thanks," he said uncertainly as he took his biggest reason for winning back. "I, uh, know this is sudden, but can I have your power?"

Gnome gave a long, unfaltering look before extending a hand.

Luka blinked. "A handshake?"

She shook her head and gestured to her hand with the other.

"My gloves?" He didn't quite get it, but he had a faint idea. Luka nestled Sylph behind the collar of his cloak. He tried to ignore the hair tickling his chin as he slipped the glove off.

Gnome seized his naked hand. The Hero noticed how unyielding her palm was, as if her flesh consisted of smooth stone rather than… well, what hands were normally made of. However, he wasn't allowed to dwell on it. The earth spirit had begun to pull and squeeze his fingers. An odd sense of shame heated his body.

_Hopefully she doesn't get carried away,_ Luka thought. Gnome finally released his palm and began to circle him. He struggled to keep her in his line of sight. _She doesn't seem talkative, though. Communicating might be hard…_

_She says you smell nice,_ Sylph chirped.

That sense of shame flared as he noticed the lack of weight behind his collar. _Y-you and Alice keep saying that._ His vision darkened and his body relaxed as he focused on the image in his heart. Sylph slid into view. _But you never tell me _what _I smell like._

She shrugged. _Fresh laundry._

_Ah. _Luka paused for a second. _Wait, you can understand her?_

_Hey, I know Alice is a woman and all, but even I get what she's saying!_

_No, not Alice! I mean—_

"Gnome!" he yelled, coming to life. Luka pushed the spirit away, who had been tugging on his belt. "D-don't touch that!"

Gnome didn't so much as change expression when she was shoved, though her arms remained outstretched. Deliberately, she tucked them against her body and bowed.

Luka put on his glove. "A-apology accepted, I guess." He defused himself with a deep breath before glancing at the sheathed Angel Halo by his hip. "So, do we fight now or..?"

_Yep, yep! That's what she's saying, _the fairy said. Gnome nodded in confirmation. _Loser has to do whatever the winner tells them. Even naughty stuff like building sand castles._

He stifled the urge to ask when Gnome showed the first hint of emotion and blushed. Instead, the Hero widened his stance and drew Angel Halo. Its red glaring eyes bulged and strained under the desert sun.

The earth spirit observed him for a moment before crouching down. She jumped, kicking sand into his face. Luka yelped in surprise and dropped his sword to cover his eyes. After he wiped the stinging sand out, he lowered his arm. There was Gnome, ten meters away. She pointed at him. Hollow-eyed mud dolls began to crawl out the ground around her.

Luka scowled at himself. _Never, never drop your sword!_ He knocked the side of his head with a closed fist, and then pointed upwards. A gust of wind kicked Angel Halo into the air. He snatched it handle first and sprinted forward.

The mud dolls reacted. They broke into ungainly scurries, arms flopping about mindlessly. Luka met them at the half-way point. One leaped at him. He cut it down. Swerving to a halt, he spun and slashed at two more. The sword caught them mid-tackle, and they shattered. Pain split his side. He did a sharp intake of breath. Staring through the blue haze, he saw the mud doll that had rammed itself into his kidney. He elbow jabbed it, cracking its head with an empty sound like pottery. The golem released him and fell away.

Before he could catch his breath, five more clung on to him. Luka tried to shake them off, but their weight became impossibly heavy. He fell onto one knee. Then he collapsed, his stomach on the desert floor. A muffled moan escaped him.

_Hmm, that isn't right. Luka, you're supposed to be belly up!_

_What… What does that have to do with this?_ He relaxed his muscles and fine-tuned his senses. The Hero could feel the wind and everything it touched. Gnome's draft began to approach him.

_You'll get it when you're older._ Sylph giggled, but her voice soured. _Hey, why aren't you summoning me? I'm pretty sure you could've reached her if you used my awesome power._

_That's because I'm waiting_, Luka responded. Closer. She was getting closer. Almost there.

He could nearly see Sylph tilting her head. _Waiting for what?_

_For this!_ Wind rushed through him in a powerful torrent. It built up and up again until it exploded outwards. The mud dolls' weight lifted, and he snapped upright.

Luka took a second to observe. Gnome had staggered, arms out in an attempt to keep balance. The air pressure was tearing the dolls apart with impunity, scattering their remains across the sands. This was his moment. He lunged forward with a shout and swung his sword.

The earth spirit intercepted it with her right forearm. A loud ringing sounded and a vibration ran up Luka's arm. _She's hard!_ he thought before drawing back and swinging again. Gnome raised her left forearm and warded the attack. She stumbled, but didn't fall.

He kept hammering away. Strike after strike, blow after blow, he pushed against the growing numbness in his arms and pressed the assault. But Gnome never failed to block, and with a hardened glint in her eyes, she swatted Angel Halo aside.

A powerful tremor racked him, and the feeling in his arms faded away. _H-huh?_ he thought stupidly, tripping over his own feet. _I can't move?_ Panic swept through him. With perfect clarity, he saw as Gnome balled her small hand into a fist and swung forward. It hit him like a falling boulder, just under the ribs. Luka's vision blurred. He gagged. She kept the momentum going, and with a mighty swing, sent the Hero rocketing off the ground.

For the duration of his flight, he briefly wondered if he'll ever come back down. The thought was dashed from his mind when he hit the only visible portion of Safaru: the pillar. Luka collided against the tip of it, breaking the ancient stone. Jagged pieces dug into his back as he laid there, gasping for air.

_Two broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and a punctured lung. At this rate, it'll collapse and suffocate you to death, _Sylph reported, a bit on the cheery side.

That familiar white fog began to rise from his wounds, partially obscuring his upside-down view of the arid Safina region. His hellish grip on Angel Halo's handle tightened.

_In other words, _continued Sylph, _you've been through worse. Go get 'er, tiger!_

Luka inhaled, and the fog erupted from his wounds with newfound intensity. The pain drifted away, but he could still hear it. The sounds of bones snapping back into place and mending. Flesh and organs healing in an instant. He gripped the broken edge of the column with his free hand and pulled himself up. Now he stood, and down below, staring wide-eyed back at him, was Gnome.

They held their positions for a while. Gnome, frozen in place, and Luka, shrouded in fumes and standing atop a remnant of civilization. A lonely breeze reminded him that he was holding his breath. The Hero exhaled, releasing another intangible plume of the silvery substance.

_Sylph? _he said.

_Ya-huh?_

_Can we try something a little different?_

_How different are we talking here? _she responded, her tone businesslike.

Luka didn't bother formulating his thoughts into words. He crouched down, and the wind spirit's power began to spiral within him. It has to be more focused this time. The wall of air wouldn't help him against a heavyweight like Gnome. He has to rush her.

Just as the wind was on the brink of erupting out, he forced it downwards. The current blasted out through the soles of his boots. Luka launched upwards. With a flip, he pointed himself down and reached to the sky with a hand. Another blast of wind, and he hurtled towards Gnome. She barely began to raise her arms before Luka brought Angel Halo down on her head. A dull thud rang, and she was forced to bow slightly. Still propped off the ground by his sword, he bent his knees and drove both feet into Gnome's chest. It was like hitting a brick wall. He stole a glance at her face. She didn't look hurt. She barely looked stunned at all.

Luka bounced off her, avoiding Gnome's swift grab. She didn't chase. Instead, she stared at her open palm blankly. The Hero took advantage and lunged forward. Gnome snapped awake and attempted a wild haymaker. He swerved around the blow and stabbed at her. It struck below the armpit. She didn't recoil. Instead, she reached out and grabbed Angel Halo. With a violent tug, she pulled him in and clocked him across the face.

It wasn't too bad, at least in comparison to the last one. But still, he was flung a good five meters before grinding to an unsightly halt, leaving a trench in his wake. Luka's vision was a blurry mess as he laid on his side. His right eye was already beginning to swell shut, and his lower jaw hanged open awkwardly.

Through some miracle, he had managed to keep his hold on Angel Halo. It rested before him, red eyes glaring accusingly.

_How rude,_ he dimly thought. With a low exhalation, he began to prop himself up on his elbow. But a terrible cramp seized him, and he fell down again. There, he rested on his side while listening to the wind. Gnome wasn't approaching him.

_Guess that trick won't work a second time. _Thin wisps of fog leaked from the corner of his mouth. He rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself up. Once he was standing, he reached for the tiniest bit of inner peace. The fumes flared in response. The swelling around his eye soothed, and his jaw slid back into place.

Luka turned back around to face Gnome, who was staring at him with a titled head. Crinkles formed underneath her eyes, as if she was smiling. Then, she pointed at him.

The ground beneath the Hero began to shift. It upheaved and squirmed, nearly causing him to fall on his rear. As he windmilled his arms, he thought, _Oh, come on! I thought I was finally getting through to her!_

_Huh? She just said you're doing great, _Sylph quipped. _One last attack. If you manage to survive this, she'll lend you her power!_

A massive mound of sand was rising from behind Gnome. The earth spirit maintained her pose with stony eyes.

Luka finally found balance when the desert floor stopped moving. He took his eyes off his feet and back at his opponent. What he saw made him gape.

Towering above him, and casting a dark shadow across the land, was an enormous hand and arm of sand. It was trembling but held together.

He glanced from the hand to Gnome. Her brow was furrowed with beads of sweat dripping down her face. She narrowed her eyes when their gazes met, as if trying to say, "I'm going to attack now. Be ready!"

Gnome curled her pointing hand into a fist and swung forward with her entire body. The limb of sand followed suit. It lost its shape and crumbled into a tsunami of desert. The wave parted before hitting Gnome and then swiftly closed around her.

All Luka could see was that coarse, irritating substance. He widened his stance. His cape splayed out behind him. He brandished Angel Halo.

"_Syyyylph! _Help me, please!" he shrieked in a voice shriller than he'll like to admit.

_On it! Blow, blow, fight the powah! _Sylph chanted.

Wind swelled within Luka's being before raging outwards. It collided against the oncoming sand wall, and the two elements wrestled in a thunderous display. The air pressure began to spin, dragging sand with it into a cyclone.

Luka locked up. He could feel the weight on the barrier as if it was his own body. His muscles screamed against the pressure, but he desperately clung to Sylph's power. Not enough. He couldn't hold on like this. Muscle fibers snapped and veins broke open. The wind howled in his ears. It didn't like being handled so roughly.

_I'm sorry! I don't know another way!_ With that thought, Luka threw his head back and let loose a strangled shout, forcing the wind out. The barrier blew up. Sand blasted away in a tremendous shower.

He blinked, and his arms fell limp. Luka stood in the middle of a flattened area with a slight incline towards the middle. Gnome's hat stuck out from the ground like a growing tumbleweed. He watched for a moment, but she didn't move.

The sun was nearly below the horizon, and the first chills of night seeped under his clothes.

Luka hugged himself with his free arm. "Did I… Did I win?" he said hesitantly.

…

_Yippee! Gnomey's here, Gnomey's here! _Sylph sang. _Hey, hey, Gnome— Welcome to Luka's head! There's plenty of space, but I wouldn't mind if you wanted to share rooms!_

Gnome's solemn and weighty presence gave a vague feeling of appreciation in response.

_Geh. It's weird being able to feel her like that,_ Luka thought. He was now sitting down, the crook of his elbow resting on his knee. His bruises were already being knitted by those wispy streams.

_Gnome prefers not to speak, so she'll make up with her raw passion and enthusiasm!_ _Now everybody, lets celebrate by yodeling! On my mark, get set—_

A slap sounded, and Sylph went quiet.

The Hero sighed at the blissful silence before clambering to his feet. Just before he could stretch, the air in front of him warped. Alice blinked into existence.

"Oh. You did it." The Monster Lord grinned. "Nice." She reached down and began tousling Luka's hair.

He felt a protest well up, but after a moment's consideration, he gave in. He leaned into it and mumbled an incomprehensible thanks.

"So, how does it feel?" Alice said.

Luka thought a bit. "Strong. Immovable." He paused, finger to his chin. "Reassuring."

She stopped, retracting her hand slightly. The Hero glanced up, seeing her bewildered face.

"What are you— No, you idiot! Gnome's power, not my hand!" Alice pinched her forehead and exhaled through her nose.

"Sorry, sorry..!" He coughed before adjusting his collar. Then, he craned his neck backwards and closed his eyes. There were the searching fingers of the wind; that he was used to. But no matter how he strained, he couldn't pick up anything that wasn't Slyph's power.

Then Alice's tail flicked against the sand. He felt it. The minute vibrations were amplified like crazy, and the tremors traveled up his legs and into his body. He shivered, and slowly spread his arms into a welcoming gesture. Now he saw. The earth was breathing rhythmically, each pulse syncing him further and further. Gnome was so close; so close to him and everything else.

_Is this the earth's power?_ Luka thought. _It's oddly peaceful. Like I'm one with everything that touches the ground._

_Uh-huh. That's it, you little munchkin you,_ Sylph cheered. _With this, nobody can ambush you now. Ain't that just dandy?_

"Hm, that's right. With those powers combined, you might never be caught off-guard again." Through the faint vibrations, he could tell Alice was nodding.

"Also, Luka… C-can you stop with the creepy pose?" she muttered.

The Hero snapped out of it. "Hrk! My bad," he said self-consciously, lowering his arms. Realization hit him over the head immediately afterwards. "Wait— You can hear her?"

"Of course." Alice smirked as she jammed a thumb towards herself. "I'm the Monster Lord."

Luka's mouth fell open as he raised his hands defensively. "H-have you been listening to my thoughts the entire time we've been traveling together?"

"Excuse you?" Her smirk disappeared in favor of a scowl. "Who the hell do you think I am? Some sociopath with no respect for anyone?"

It took everything Luka had to not say anything. He simply stared pensively.

"Listen, Luka. Tamamo always told me that the mind is sacred. It's the last bastion of privacy that every living thing is entitled to. A perfect safe space." Alice folded her arms once more. "Violating that is something I would _never _do lightly."

"But then, how—"

"Sylph is loud," she interrupted. "Your actual thoughts are much quieter."

They made eye contact, and Luka saw at once that she wasn't lying. An odd, tingling warmth rose from his stomach to his chest. _She… respects me?_

An ear-to-ear grin split his face.

"Aah! No! Stop it with the freaky smile!" Alice threw her hands up. "Jeez, you're such an idiot sometimes!"

Luka winced and drooped a little. "R-right, sorry." He rubbed the back of his head for a while before perking up. "I guess we should get a move on."

"Eh?" The Monster Lord's expression went from annoyed to puzzled. She lowered herself to eye level. "Stars are coming out, you know. Aren't you tired from all that fighting?"

Now that she mentioned it, he has been at this for quite a bit now. Despite that, his limbs felt light and his mind clear. "No, not really," he replied while shaking his head. "Besides, the sandworm ate my bag. We couldn't camp even if we wanted to."

Alice bit her lower lip and drew herself to her full height. She drummed her inner arm with her fingertips before releasing a sibilant sigh. Then, her tail shot out and coiled around Luka.

He squeaked in surprise. "Alice! You have to ask first, remember!?"

She ignored him in favor of flashing a toothy grin. "Congratulations, Fake Hero! You unlocked fast travel!" With that, she tapped her forehead with her index and middle finger.

The world compressed and stretched as the two teleported away.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm back! This time around, I'll try and upload more frequently so that I can sleep at night.


	3. Curiouser and Curiouser

**Author's Warning: **There's a tonal shift with this story when compared to my last two. All my stories would be pretty varied when it comes to that, so just a heads up.

* * *

"Right, I think it's ready," Heinrich said as he stirred the pot. He pulled a wooden bowl from the ground besides him and began to pour a serving. His aim was a little off, and he splashed scalding broth onto his hand. The Hero flinched and jerked reflexively, dipping his elbow into the fire.

With a yelp, Heinrich yanked himself backwards. The ladle clattered against the floor while the campfire swallowed the bowl. The flames sputtered and dimmed before swelling to their original size.

Alicetroemeria gave an encouraging grin. She was sitting on her knees, back to the hollow tree stump's wall. "Maybe I should serve myself this time around, don't you think?" Her voice was light and chipper as always.

He stared despondently at the fallen ladle for a second. Then, Heinrich smiled and laughed softly. "Yeah. That'll be for the best." He grabbed the dipper and handed it to the magician.

She took it and served herself without incident. Afterwards, Alice poured a bowl for Heinrich and gave that to him.

The Hero immediately sipped at his portion while keeping an eye cracked open at his companion. She made no move, her lips frozen in a somewhat empty smile as she stared at the bowl in her hands.

"Hey, Hein. Is this… Is this a piece of grass?" Alicetroemeria plucked a green fiber from the soup.

"Yep. It's for flavor," he cheerily replied.

"What about the beetle grub?"

"Also for flavor!"

Her smile became flat as she pulled out a whole, unskinned rabbit foot.

"That's for flavor _and _texture." Heinrich returned to his meal. It tasted just like home.

Alice sighed and dropped the foot back where it came. "I don't know if I could eat this," she said flatly.

"Oi, oi, oi, oi..." He put his bowl down and wiped the broth from his lips. "Listen. You can't make a judgment until you've at least tried it."

"It smells like excrement."

"Taste is the bottom line, not the smell."

She squirmed in place. "Fine, fine. Only because you spent so much time on it." The magician placed the bowl at her lips and took a tentative sip. Her face was unreadable as she held the stew in her mouth. Then, she swallowed.

"Wow." Alice took another sip. "This is awful!" she announced, beaming radiantly.

At first, shock pierced his heart. An inkling of betrayal followed its way in shortly. But it was all washed away by a torrent of mirth. He began to chuckle, and then burst into sweet laughter. Heinrich had to set his awful creation down and hug himself in order to not roll into the fire.

Black Alice gazed at him, not understanding.

At last, his hysterics dwindled into the occasional silent giggle. He got back into sitting position and brushed his bangs to the side. "Guess I backed myself into a corner with that one."

"You really did," she muttered, shoulders down. Alice set the stew aside and perked back up. "What should we do with the rest of it?"

Heinrich glanced to his right. The crack that allowed them to set up camp in the hollow stump gave a view of the rolling green hills, made silver with deep shadows by moonlight. "We'll throw it out in the morning." Another giggle, and he braced himself with his arms. "I never knew I was so bad at food stuff."

"Don't you eat your own cooking?"

"Yeah, but… I never really ate anything good, so I wouldn't know." Uncomfortable memories of cold streets and even colder people pricked at the edge of his mind. He shoved them away with another grin. "Well, unless you want to try whipping something up, we could always eat our dried meat rations."

She considered it while fingering her cheek. "I'm fine. I don't like eating late anyways."

The shadows dancing across the walls grew as the fire died. They left the pot where it was as crickets sang around them, filling in their moment of silence.

Heinrich opened his mouth and yawned. "I—"

"I'll take the first watch," the magician finished.

"Oh, really?" The Hero nodded appreciatively. "Thanks for that."

He watched as Alice picked up her staff and stuffed animal before heading to the exit. She crouched down to squeeze her way out, but before that, she turned to him and smiled. "Sleep well. I'll alert you if any monsters start approaching, okay?"

"I'll promise to wake up." A slight embarrassment tickled him for saying that, but Alice only hummed an affirmative before leaving the stump and disappearing around the corner.

Heinrich stared where she was for a few seconds. Then, he grabbed his bag and red cloak and formed a makeshift bed. He laid down before closing his eyes.

Sleep came over him swiftly and gently.

...

Maddening. It was maddening, watching him smile and laugh like that. There was nothing worth laughing over, but yet he did it anyways.

Why? What did he see that she didn't? That she_ couldn't_? The mere thought of it infuriated her to no end.

Black Alice tightened her grip on her staff. Maybe it would've been bearable if it was a one time thing. But Heinrich laughed at everything. An unexpected breeze blew on him? He laughed. A butterfly perched on his hair? He laughed. Tripped over his own two feet? He got back up and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed—

Beary's head popped off. It fell onto the grassy floor and laid there, glass eyes staring at nothing.

Now Alice realized that she was trembling. Poor Beary died when she squeezed him too hard.

As she bent down to retrieve the bear's head, she wondered if Heinrich would laugh if she killed him. Maybe he'll keep on grinning as she strangled him. Maybe he'll reach out and cup her chin before saying, "Let me help you, Alice."

_Then he'll finally die like all the others did, _she thought as she gently placed Beary's head back on its body. The fabric fused together, and he was good as new.

Not one of those terrible thoughts bothered her. They didn't satisfy her, either. Black Alice felt nothing but a mild curiosity and a cold emptiness. Heinrich could be tortured and raped, whether by her own hand or another, and she wouldn't feel a thing.

It was that way for as far back as she could remember. And for the longest time, it never bothered her. The world was her plaything, and the people in it were no different.

But then that nasty fox came and tore her to pieces. Oh, how it hurt! She didn't think pain that great could even exist. It made her weep and internally beg for it to stop.

_That's probably what they all felt, isn't it?_

Black Alice bit her lower lip. She desperately clung on to that thought and repeated it over and over again.

Nothing. She felt nothing. They aren't her, so it didn't matter. How disappointing.

_But I'm traveling with him. I put on this ridiculous disguise and agreed to help._

That's easy to answer. She scanned the plains until she found a single boulder jutting out. After a few moments of quiet staring, she flashed a wicked smile.

The boulder unfurled into nine, white-tipped tails. They parted, revealing a small figure in a kimono. A wide-brimmed, conical straw hat concealed their face, but Alice could imagine those hated green eyes looking her over.

_That uncute, rude fox won't kill me if I'm with him._ She stretched her grin wider and waved with four fingers. _It's a matter of survival, nothing more._

Serene moonlight bathed the two in silver. The kitsune didn't react to Black Alice's provocation. Instead, her tails closed around her and shrank into nothing.

The Monster Lord could still sense her, but she wasn't worried. No move will be made on her life.

Fireflies began to flicker among the greenery. Crickets continued their rhythmic singing. No other monster showed themselves.

Still clutching Beary to her chest, she hummed. _My, my. I suppose it's time to switch shifts._

Alice retreated into the stump. Once inside, she eyed Heinrich. He was sleeping, face peaceful and arms thrown over his head.

Something stirred within her. It was a prickly feeling, not at all pleasant. Envy wrapped around her heart and constricted it.

She dropped her staff. It fell against the dirt floor with a quiet thump.

How? How can he sleep so easily? How does he find so much joy in life? It wasn't fair. None of this is fair.

Black Alice's free arm split open. Tendons and muscles reconstructed themselves into barbed tentacles. Her new limbs stretched over and pointed to her palm. A ball of darkness began to form at her focus of flesh. The light from the campfire's leftover embers was smothered. Moon and stars alike blackened as if a dark curtain was drawn over them. She aimed the orb at the sleeping Hero. One thought, and it will all be over. She won't have to deal with this gnawing inferiority anymore. One thought, and this joyous boy that dared offer her help will die forever.

_And then what? s_aid the little voice in the back of her mind.

Black Alice shut down. The darkness melted away, and light returned. She fell onto her knees, and her arm normalized.

Heinrich still hasn't stirred from his slumber.

_I get it now._ Alice reached out and placed a hand on his forehead. She began thumbing his long bangs out of the way.

"If..." she whispered. "If someone horrible like me learned how to see the world the way you see it… Could I laugh like you? Could I sleep peacefully like you?"

There was no response, but she continued anyways. "Would this feeling of emptiness finally go away?"

With a snore, Heinrich turned onto his side and pressed his forehead against Black Alice's hand. He was smiling now, but still at rest.

Nothing. She still felt nothing. But it didn't bother her as much. Perhaps, at her story's end, there would be salvation. Then she could laugh and cry all she wants. Maybe together with Heinrich.

In the end, Alicetroemeria didn't wake him. She slept sitting, and the night passed by safely and soundly.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **I feel that having Tamamo tail Black Alice and Heinrich on their adventure would be a good explanation on how she retrieved Angel Halo, right?

Next up, I'll be doing one of ArcMagna23's requests. Specifically, the Paradox!Nanabi fight. Until then!


	4. Versus Paradox Nanabi

Alice lunged upwards and thrust her rapier. Nanabi caught it with two fingers.

"Tsk! Why do I even have this thing!?" The former lord squirmed, struggling to pry free while dangling in the air. She paused."Wait, why _do_ I have this? I never fought with a rapier before, much less a weapon—"

With a flick of her wrist, Nanabi broke the sword and flung Alice aside. She crumpled against the cavern wall.

Luka was next to charge forward. "Don't worry Alice, I got this— _Alice help!_"

The kitsune had swatted him with one of her seven tails. He careened into the opposite wall face first.

"Why you..!" Sonya trailed a finger over her staff. Frost licked at its handle before freezing its head. She sprinted at the fox with weapon raised high.

Just before impact, Nanabi raised an open palm. Sonya skidded to a halt.

"Are the bodies not a clear enough indicator of what's going to happen next?" Nanabi said, lips trembling with barely restrained amusement.

The priestess hesitated. She shot a pleading glance at Luka, who had peeled off the wall and now sat upside down with his legs over his head. He met eyes and shrugged.

Sonya tightened her grip. "It's not about winning or losing. It's about sending a message!" With that, she roared and swung wide.

Nanabi's tail formed a hand and seized the club. She crushed it into dust. Sonya couldn't react before a paw sent her spinning to the floor. The priestess laid there, coughing for breath.

"Message received," Nanabi quipped. She turned her stare from her downed opponents to Ilias, who stood further down the hall. "And what about you? Aren't you going to help your bruised and beaten friends?"

Ilias hadn't even notched an arrow. "Eh, not really. I'm probably going to be demolished if I do."

The fox relaxed. "Well, I guess it's settled then—"

"Sneak attack!" Ilias drew an arrow and loosed it straight at her opponent's eye.

Nanabi caught the projectile with her eyelids. She flicked her head, dislodging the arrow and sending it skipping across the cave floor.

Ilias gaped. She turned to her bow. "Why do I even have this thing?"

"An excellent question," Nanabi growled. The ground rumbled beneath the former god, and two tails shot out from the earth. One snatched Ilias's bow and snapped it in half. The other grabbed Ilias herself and dragged her through the floor. Then, it hurled her across the room. She bounced once before colliding into the ever frequented wall. Ilias slid down and settled half a meter away from Alice.

"Hey, Ilias?" Alice muttered. "If we somehow win this, lets eat out, okay?"

The celestial shuddered. "Fine. But only if I'm on top."

"I— I meant _food!_"

Dry laughter emanated from Sonya. It quickly broke into more coughing. "Oh, it hurts to laugh."

"Then heal!" Holy fog erupted from Luka, and he bounced back to his feet. He brandished his sword and squared himself. "Seriously, why are you all still down?"

Ilias waved off the approaching fumes. "Don't question my sacred judgment." As she said that, she took to standing. Alice got up soon after with an overhead stretch. A faint, shimmering light outlined Sonya, and she too clambered to her feet. The party reorganized themselves into fight-ready positions.

Nanabi glowered. "I miss it when magic took hard work and effort to use," she grumbled. Her sneer returned, and she raised her voice. "If you think a little healing would save you, then you're sorely mis—"

_Boring!_

Everyone stiffened.

_Not even a beam war. _Neris appeared. It was like she stepped around a corner that didn't exist. "Y'all are amateurs."

Ilias frowned. "Who's this cartoon character?"

"The Seventeenth!" Nanabi snarled. She clapped her hands together. Two slabs of rock twisted out of the ground. They clasped around the intruder with a crash. The cave shook, and dust fell from the ceiling.

"Did— Did you just kill someone?" Sonya said, pointing.

"I _hope!_"

Countless glints of light and shadows of movement. The rocks exploded into perfectly cut cubes. Neris was a streak of color. She darted forward, invading Nanabi's personal space. The fox's eyes widened before a notched sword struck the crook of her neck. No blood spilled, but the blade ignited. A storm of fire. Scorched rents on the walls and floor. Nanabi flew into a corner, bruised, smoking, and unconscious.

Neris sighed contentedly. Then, she slipped her sword behind her ear. The weapon disappeared entirely. "Right, you can show yourself now!" she called.

The stone door that Nanabi so tediously guarded began to stir. After a few seconds of grinding, it was open, and Tamamo appeared.

Nine tails swishing, she stepped out into the open. "Sorry, you two. You became like this when I—"

"Cut the bullgunk, rabbit. I know it's you," Neris interrupted.

Tamamo froze, like a record on pause, mouth half-open. Then, a golden zipper materialized from the tip of her head to her crotch. It unzipped, and two white gloved hands tore the halves open. The White Rabbit bounced out. "Ta-da! It was me and my sticky fingers all along," she announced, kicking away the deflated Tamamo skin.

Ilias's mouth fell open. "Wait, did she just..?"

"Quiet, kids!" Neris barked. She turned back towards the rabbit. "The grown-ups are talking."

"One grown-up, to be specific." The White Rabbit flicked her pocket watch open and stared at it absentmindedly. "Did you call me for any reason in particular? Or did you just need help getting dressed?"

The Seventeenth pursed her lips into a tiny frown. She crossed her arms. "Isn't your whole shtick guiding Alice? This seems like a whole hell of a lot more than 'guiding.'"

"The world of adults is often strange and scary to children." The rabbit shut her watch. Her red eyes flicked over to Neris. "You wouldn't understand."

A long exhalation through Neris's nose. "...I'm gonna cut you in half now," she said, dropping to a low stance.

"It'll be disappointing if you didn't," the rabbit replied with a wink. The zippers on her coat began to unzip one by one. "Although I'm afraid I won't make it easy for you."

Alice clutched the sides of her head. "Okay, wait a second, this is all happening too fast—"

She wasn't able to finish before a wave of dilation grounded time to a halt, freezing everything beneath a veil of perpetual twilight. The rabbit hummed. "Ah, savory silence. Now, where was I?"

"Dying!" yelled a voice. A massive scythe sparked into existence. It cleaved the rabbit in two, straight down the middle.

She sighed, her voice doubled. "You know, 'dying' isn't a location."

The scythe retreated, flying into Nero's hand. He had fully realized himself two meters away from the rabbit. He gripped his weapon and adjusted his tie. "And neither is killing my sister."

"That's fair." She stuck herself back together. The bloody line formed by the attack healed in an instant. She rotated around to confront her attacker. "Still, I was certain I froze time on a conceptual level. How in the world are you moving?"

"You're arrogance knows no bounds if you thought you were the only one capable of time stop." Nero twirled his scythe before slamming its head into the ground. "Now, somebody check the clock, because I believe it's go time!"

"Actually, it's one twenty-two—"

Nero blurred. The White Rabbit blurred. They both disappeared. Time moved once again.

Neris bit her lower lip. "Ooo, really dropped the ball on that last one, bro."

"She vanished! Why did she vanish!?" Sonya yelled.

"I'm confused. Like, more so than usual," Luka said. "Can someone explain to me what just happened?"

Before Alice or Ilias could say anything, Neris walked over to Luka with a swing in her hips. She bent down to make eye contact. "Hey there, cutie. How about we go on a date?"

The Hero stared. "...Huh?"

* * *

**Author's Note****: **The Nanabi fight in Paradox was shorter than I remembered, but it was still a fun rewrite.

AlexanderGate requested me to do something involving Heinrich and Luka from Paradox, so I'll be doing that next.


	5. Fight Frustration

Granberia slashed twice.

Erubetie blocked both with crystalline forearms.

The dragon growled and drew back. Too late! An arm turned tendril extended. It caught her by the breastplate. Without changing expression, Erubetie spun. Once. Twice. She let go. Granberia tumbled against the arena floor, flipped over, and clawed to a halt.

Not a moment's rest. Erubetie drew herself up before slamming the ground with open hands. Her fingers stretched and shot forward. They thickened, buckled, and swelled into a wall of sharpened tentacles.

One breath, in and out. Granberia became a streak of color as she darted forward. Ares sang. One slash, then three, then twenty. Every time a limb was cut, three more grew from its sides. Chunks of hacked apart slime scattered throughout the arena. Too much. The chunks were moving— They're not dead?

The tentacles melted, and the cut pieces exploded. A tsunami of ravenous slime crashed into her from all sides. She could feel it. God, she could actually feel it! It tore at her, desperate to pry off her scales and devour her alive.

Granberia loved it. Her heart in her throat, the roar of blood in her ears, and the feeling of having her back to the wall... Yes, these are the moments that make life worth living!

Her hair began to rise. She opened her mouth and roared. Slime immediately dove in, but it didn't matter. A raging inferno swirled within her. It exploded outward. The slime was rejected by a pillar of fire.

Erubetie remained impassive as she observed the spinning tornado die down. Granberia stood in a crater of melted rock and scorched earth. Her hair had risen, with white roots and flickering red tips.

She had entered Purgatory Flame.

The dragon abandoned Ares. It clattered onto the ground and dissipated in a flash of embers. She brandished her fists. She dashed forward. A wild grin spread across her face. Granberia crossed the dozens of meters. This was it. The spark that she chased after for so long was finally coming to a—

Erubetie sighed. "I'm done."

Granberia halted, nearly falling over. The joy of battle died like a candle under a swift breeze. The draft she dragged behind her buffeted the two.

Pale sunlight peeked from behind the clouds. The arena, a flat expansive area of pristine marble white, was battered beyond recognition. The columns and stairs that surrounded them were empty, save for a wide-eyed imp.

"I'm sorry, that was a little quiet. You're _what?_" Granberia said, her hair returning to normal.

"Done. It's over." Erubetie hunched over to make eye contact. "You win."

It was like the slime slapped her across the face. No, she would've preferred that! "You can't be serious..! I haven't finished yet!" Granberia's shoulders tensed as she jammed a thumb at herself. "Just a little more, please! Two more minutes! _One_ more minute!"

Erubetie's eyes narrowed slightly. Then, she turned around and began to leave.

The dragon stood, stunned. Bits of gooey blue slithered past her, rejoining with their mother. Granberia reached out with a hand, hoping, wanting, needing. At last, her voice returned. "Can you at least tell me why?"

The Queen paused. She looked back over her shoulder, red eyes glinting but unreadable.

"Isn't it obvious? You're the only one getting anything out of this."

And with those harsh sentences whispered like a soothing lullaby, Erubetie's frame blurred. She disappeared.

Granberia stood alone. A bubbling, bitter feeling like bile stirred within her. It wasn't fair. How _dare_ she? Flaunting all that power and not letting her taste it. Monsters like that should… should…

She sat down and took a deep breath. No, that kind of thinking won't get her anywhere. Erubetie agreed at first, but changed her mind. It would be wrong to pursue her.

_Besides, I have other options._ A certain fox came to mind. Now smiling, Granberia flicked her tail, and she vanished.

...

The world stopped spinning. Granberia found herself on the middle of a winding stone staircase. There were no windows, but a blue glow emitted from around the bend further down.

_Dusty_, she thought. Was she in one of the abandoned parts of the castle? Why would Tamamo even be here?

Voices. Voices from below. Granberia walked to the bottom, but a sound made her freeze up before she could turn the corner.

A moan. From a voice that wasn't Tamamo's.

The dragon flattened her back to the wall and strained her senses. She felt Tamamo's weighty presence, and that of… the Monster Lord?

"Yes, yes, very good. Now, stick 'em in and spread the skin… Hey, you're good with your fingers, aren't you?" The kitsune had a softness to her normally sly voice that sent a shiver through Granberia.

Alice made another noise of vague discomfort. "D-do we have to be so close?"

"Of course, of course! It's only natural." Tamamo sighed contently. "Now, reach deep inside—"

This was her limit. Granberia slowly peeked around the corner.

The two were in an empty kitchen, illuminated solely by hovering blue flames. Pots, pans, and ingredients were laid out across the countertops. Alice had her hands buried in some small and dead mammal. Tamamo was perched on her tails, embracing and nuzzling the Monster Lord.

"—and pull out the intestines."

Alice did as she was told. "Can't we eat these?"

"Unless you like rabbit feces, no." Tamamo buried her face into the crook of Alice's neck and cupped her chin. She began to hum softly.

"A-a-ah! Okay,_ why _are you touching me!?" Alice yelled, nearly letting go of the handful of organs.

"Oh, come on! We never spend personal time with each other anymore..." The fox moved from neck to ear. "So when I heard you wanted to learn how to cook, who could blame me for getting excited?"

With a reluctant mumble, Alice yielded. "F-fine… But don't you dare tell anyone about this."

"I swear it on all nine of my beautiful, beautiful tails."

"Oh, yeah, swear it on the things you can regenerate in a heartbeat, you damn fox!"

"Then I'll swear it on Nanabi. Isn't that better?"

Granberia had seen enough. She retreated back around the corner before cupping her face.

Of course. That's what they were doing. What else? Nothing, that's what.

Shame burning her cheeks, she flicked her tail and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

...

Soft. Granberia was on a large canopy bed, with red velvet covers and flowering vines serving as drapes. The room's curtains were drawn, but the dragon could see clearly. A desk covered in papers with writing, an easel with a half-finished painting, and an assortment of books on a shelf.

Not very succubus-like.

"Hello? Is someone there?" came a voice.

Granberia glanced at the door besides the bed. It cracked open, releasing a creeping cloud of steam. A red eye glared out from the darkness.

It relaxed upon seeing Granberia. "Berry? I'm sorry, give me a moment."

The door closed. Some shuffling sounds accompanied with splashing water. A flap of wings. Something wooden fell over, and Alma hissed. The door opened.

She stood naked and dripping, hugging a white towel to her torso. She tip-toed into the room and gave Granberia an apologetic little smile before saying, "So, why the unexpected surprise? Did you come for some tea and a chat?"

"N-no," the dragon stammered back. She felt her heart flutter when Alma's face fell. "W-well, it's for something similar."

Damn it, why was she like this around her? What's even different? Was it the skin? Her body? No, it couldn't be. Granberia never felt this away around Master, who didn't even wear clothes. Granberia never felt this way around _anybody._

_Focus. You're getting off topic._ She took a deep breath. _Remember what you live for._

The thrill, those ever greater heights. The spark reignited. Granberia steadied.

"I want to fight you."

Alma coolly regarded her. The succubus took a couple steps forward and slid onto the bed, their shoulders almost touching. Then, she sighed. "You know, I just finished taking a bath."

Granberia fought the urge to cry out in anguish. It must've showed on her face, for Alma laughed.

"It's fine, really! I'm not bothered," Alma said, expression full of mirth. Without moving her wings, she gently hovered off the bed and offered a hand. "I'll accept your rematch."

Granberia hesitated, reached out, and then hesitated again. "Shouldn't you change?"

"I'll do it on the way."

A brief pause. The dragon did a tiny nod before grasping Alma's hand.

And the world spun away.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Let me explain myself. Yes, this isn't the request I said I would do, and I'm sorry about that. I just don't feel good doing request, like a switch flips in my concave head that makes me flail around while hyperventilating. This isn't to say that I'll never do requests ever, but I will be more cautious when deciding to write them.

And yes, this story does seem like it should be in Heavenly Knight of Fire instead of here. However, I wrote the characters a bit differently this time, so I thought it should be separated.


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